The raindrops fell plitter-platter on the window pane. I didnt know raindrops can be such a nice thing to admire at until just now while i was on my journey home from NUS. As the imminent dark clouds reigned over the white ones, i felt a tint of sorrows and agonies. My vision was darkened, my life too.
As the rain gets heavier as the minutes ticked by, my heart sank further and further. My eyes felt watery as i grew deep in thoughts. I thought about our smses exchanged this morning. From a heartwarming one to a sarcastic tone from him and then it all ended abruptly. I thought a lot, i controlled my tears from flowing. It took me great pains and strength. And without realisation, i fell asleep.
The journey was about an hour long. I woke up when i banged my head on the window pane with a loud thud while i was dozing away. As i opened my eyes, the sky was clear and the sun was beaming with cheerful rays. I knew it was a new start, its a new beginning. The storm ended, so did those melancholic memories within me.
I told him im giving up, im leaving you. I told him i tried to understand him but i failed. I too, told him i had put in my all cos i lost a love once and i dont wanna lose it again. I din wanna lose him so i held on to this so tightly. I told him it was till that night before i realised i dont mean much to you at all. It was only till that night i convinced myself that i was nothing to you and i shouldnt cling on any further. I said it with much courage, i said it with pains. My heart was tearing apart, do you even think its easy to tell these? No. You couldnt care less, instead your tone turned harsh with spikes. Every word from you pricked my heart even more. I was terribly hurt. I was sobbing inside.
I envy the raindrops. Its like heaven's tears. The bigger the pour, the harder it cry, the louder it wept, the more it eliminated all the unhappiness within. I wanna be like the sky, i wanna cry out as hard, as loud and all my unhappiness and pains. I wanna remove every inch of em off my heart, off my mind, off me.
* yours truly.
amber.ruoxuan\\twenty\
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20051987\\single\\operations analyst @ credit suisse\\friendster*
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